Hospice

I have a friend who has had to meet with her Mom and Hospice. I have to say that if you are struggling with any issue with your Mom and pain or quality of life...call Hospice. These folks are angels.
I had a great talk with my Mom prior to her decline about what she wanted if things got bad. She was really adamant about wanting Hospice and we got into specifics. When Mom was not doing well I knew exactly what she wanted me to do. SO, that made things so much easier. If you have not had the what do you want discussion with your Mom...have it now.

What advice do you think is crap?

I wish I had asked my Mom what advice she got or gave in her life that she now thinks is not important. I know the wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident, wash your hands, bursh your teeth, take good care of your skin are all good things...but what is not good advice?

Memories of what could have been

In my Mom's later years she did talk a lot about missed opportunities.My Mom took off for New York to become a model right after high school. She did not pursue a career in her field but did relish the freedom and the experience of being in New York for a period of time. She often reflected back on this time as a high point in her life. I asked her if she regretted not going on with modeling. She said she did not but I am struck by the fact that she often went back there in her memories and stories. She divorced my Dad and they tired to reunite a couple of times and she did regret not getting back together. My Dad was the love of her life.
She talked a lot about regrets without really saying they were regrets. I wish I had asked her specifically about those (regrets). So, if your out there reading this ask your Mom if she has any missed opportunities she would like to revsit. We all have those and they tell us so much about our life. It is not that our life is less because of the choices we made...life is what it is ... and we are always richer for choices that taught us something. But, looking at these not chosen paths opens up some stories that do not often get told in the classic stories we hear from our Mothers. I learned how much my Mom loved my Dad from the stories that came out of a missed opportunitiy question. I also found out that settling for less than we thought we wanted is not all bad ... as it opens us up to be more sensitive to the heartbreaks of others...it all makes us more human. Talk to your Mom.

What are your dreams

I keep a dream journal and I think my Mom has written down some of her dreams in calendars and other places. Now is the time to ask your Mom if there are any recurring dreams she has. Who is in them, what dreams comfort her, what dreams frighten her, what dreams does she hop come back?

My Birth?

Folks, one of my friends asked her Mom to detail the facts of when..where...how she was born. Do you know if you were a C section or natural? How long was labor? Who was in the delivery room? There are so many details to ask. Get on this right away. Ask your Mom to let you know all about it. I bet it is still fresh in her mind.

How to Honor Mom's memories

A good friend saw an article in a magazine and passed on to me some advice. She said to have my Mom write a memory each day on a card for a year. I did just that. I bought a beautiful box, filled it with pretty blank cards and had Mom (my Aunt Betty and Niece Tiffany helped) write memories. stories, fun things down. She did not quite get 365 but there are about 100 priceless memories. Now, each day as I miss her I can take out a card and spend a few moments with her memories and celebrate her amazing life and adventures. I will record a few of them on this blog as we go along but what are you waiting for...get out and start the writing! By the way, Mom's, that box makes a wonderful and once in a lifetime gift for Christmas or Birthdays.

Things I wish I had asked My Mom

I has been a bit over a year since I lost my Mom to lung cancer. As the months roll by I miss her and am glad she is not suffering. But, each day I think of a question I wish I could ask her. They range from easy questions about who is in a photo, dates, or who married who to deeper questions about life, love, death, fear and hope.

So, I started this blog to give others a chance to ask those questions and send me some of the responses and to encourage all to ask their Mom while she is here. The questions, by the way, are not limited to Moms...Dad's are in this too.

I will post some good questions each week and see what pops up.
The first question, I do have an answer for.
"What is your greatest joy in life?" Mom left my brother and I a tape in which she detailed some special requests after her passing. In that tape she said, "the greatest days in my life were the days you and Mark were born and the day I married your Father." You two were the greatest joys in my life." My Mom loved being a Mom. We did not make it easy for her to love that role...but we did make it exciting. I would think that Mom also had other joys. I wish I knew what kinds of days (full of energy or relaxing) were filled with joy for her. I knew the kinds of movies and food she liked and that she loved the feel of fresh pressed cool cotton sheets. But, what else gave her joy?
I was siting out watching the clouds roll by and thought how amazingly joy filled I feel when the sky is full of big puffy clouds and I have no pressing tasks. It is even better if I am relaxing after a day of good work...out on the deck watching sme beautifl clouds roll across a bright blue sky.

OK, here is your task. Ask your Mom these questions and make sure you record the answers for other loved ones.
1. What is one thing that you thought really mattered but really doesn't?
2. What is the best meal you ever had?
3. What advice would you give your teenage self?