Ask about your birth

I have not put anything on this blog in quite a while (over a year in fact). It is not that I do not still have a million questions. I am not sure why. I am working on a family timeline and I have so many events in odd orders. It may not be important but it is interesting for me to understand what was happening when. Events prior tend to impact events that follow....as do historical events. Do you know what was happening in your family the month and year that WWII ended or Nixon Resigned?
I am also sending out letters from my Grandmother and Grandfather Rickard and Aunt Betty. Mom Rickard wrote her girls every week and her mother in law 2 or 3 times a week. Working on an old SMith Corona and multiple layers of carbon she pecked out letters rich with family stories. For example, I just read that I was a tough birth. I want to ask my Mom why or what about it was complicated. My Dad is a bit clueless on the whole birth thing.
So, here is the assignment for now...go in and ask your Mom all about your birth. Ask for stories, information, medical stuff. It is all important either for your own knowledge or even medical records.

I was sitting on an airplane somewhere over the middle of the Pacific Ocean and I began to cry. Now this is not a good thing on a planeload of happy people heading over to Hawaii fueled up with drinks and tropical print shirts that no one really wears outside the islands.
It is odd not to have your Mom, who loves you unconditionally...or Aunt Betty, who loves everyone. They left a bit of a hole by their passing
What I realized is that I finally understood how big a change this is. I know, it is partly because I am older and change is not my favorite thing to do. I suspect I cried as an infant when they changed my diapers...not because that was so bad a change...just different. I am good at this resisting change thing.
So, over the ocean it hits me that my generation is now the glue that holds the families together. I know we will rise to the task but Mom and Betty did it so effortlessly. The crazy part is that I really believe Betty and Mom may be watching this whole cry thing and giggling that I have missed the point. Life is change and some changes are pretty uncomfortable...but they do force us to grow. This loss stuff is the fertilizer part of growth...I think I am ready now for some good gentle rain, who knows, I may join the crazy group by putting on a tropical shirt and downing one of those awful tropical drinks and seeing what the next bend in the road brings.

Hospice

I have a friend who has had to meet with her Mom and Hospice. I have to say that if you are struggling with any issue with your Mom and pain or quality of life...call Hospice. These folks are angels.
I had a great talk with my Mom prior to her decline about what she wanted if things got bad. She was really adamant about wanting Hospice and we got into specifics. When Mom was not doing well I knew exactly what she wanted me to do. SO, that made things so much easier. If you have not had the what do you want discussion with your Mom...have it now.

What advice do you think is crap?

I wish I had asked my Mom what advice she got or gave in her life that she now thinks is not important. I know the wear clean underwear in case you are in an accident, wash your hands, bursh your teeth, take good care of your skin are all good things...but what is not good advice?

Memories of what could have been

In my Mom's later years she did talk a lot about missed opportunities.My Mom took off for New York to become a model right after high school. She did not pursue a career in her field but did relish the freedom and the experience of being in New York for a period of time. She often reflected back on this time as a high point in her life. I asked her if she regretted not going on with modeling. She said she did not but I am struck by the fact that she often went back there in her memories and stories. She divorced my Dad and they tired to reunite a couple of times and she did regret not getting back together. My Dad was the love of her life.
She talked a lot about regrets without really saying they were regrets. I wish I had asked her specifically about those (regrets). So, if your out there reading this ask your Mom if she has any missed opportunities she would like to revsit. We all have those and they tell us so much about our life. It is not that our life is less because of the choices we made...life is what it is ... and we are always richer for choices that taught us something. But, looking at these not chosen paths opens up some stories that do not often get told in the classic stories we hear from our Mothers. I learned how much my Mom loved my Dad from the stories that came out of a missed opportunitiy question. I also found out that settling for less than we thought we wanted is not all bad ... as it opens us up to be more sensitive to the heartbreaks of others...it all makes us more human. Talk to your Mom.

What are your dreams

I keep a dream journal and I think my Mom has written down some of her dreams in calendars and other places. Now is the time to ask your Mom if there are any recurring dreams she has. Who is in them, what dreams comfort her, what dreams frighten her, what dreams does she hop come back?

My Birth?

Folks, one of my friends asked her Mom to detail the facts of when..where...how she was born. Do you know if you were a C section or natural? How long was labor? Who was in the delivery room? There are so many details to ask. Get on this right away. Ask your Mom to let you know all about it. I bet it is still fresh in her mind.